a white shirt and tie is NOT the new black and other ramblings

no, i am not the newest deacon off to pass the sacrament, this is just my new everyday look for work.  a white button down {or is it button up?} and a black tie my friends.

i am a waitress.

i have worked in restaurants since i was 16, which is -count them- coming on {ewww!} six years any day now.   but when i think back to the days of greasy oversized polos, khaki pants, slicked back bangs, saucy southerners and singing the happy birthday song AT LEAST three times an hour, i feel  better about myself.  and then when i think back to the days of relentless heat&humidity, endless rows upon endless ranges upon endless blocks of shoot-bagging, sleepless nights dreaming of sneaky silks, itchy corn rash on my forearms, farmer's tans when not sunburnt, and mysterious bug bites {i'm talking about corn pollinating if you're not from iowa - informational video here} i feel way better about myself and even grateful.

anyway, thank you college.  maybe i won't be limited to the food industry and corn fields forever.  if i'm being honest {and i am}, i have to tell you that i say this with hesitation.  let me explain.  it's not that i don't know what having a degree can and will do for me.  i'm so glad i'm graduating with a bachelor's degree in april and i've enjoyed the process.  and it's not that i don't want to make use of it.  part of me really wants to use my degree to its fullest potential and the other part of me wonders if my fullest potential can be reached through education. maybe it can.  and it's definitely not that i have an undying passion to be a waitress forever {or -cringe- pollinate corn forever}.  but i don't know if i would call school and education, literature, and english passions either.  it's just that i'm not sure that my education will bring me to my fullest potential as a wife, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a mother {someday} - in general, as a human being.  to me, being human means more than what quantifiable successes can tell.  shouldn't a job just be a job?  of course i want tanner and i to enjoy and find satisfaction in what we do, but more than anything i want to pay the bills and spend the rest of our time living our lives together.  so maybe i will go to grad school, or maybe i will get an editing job, or maybe i will be a teacher.  or maybe i won't.  time will tell.  for now, i'll wear this ugly uniform and wait on people hand and foot and enjoy the rest of my time living.  {hi, my name is brighton, can i get you anything else right now?}